Sign Up    /    Login

How to go on a Shopping Date

SHOPPING DATING

Thanks to COVID-19 Lockdown followed by COVID Phobia – I haven’t been able to go on a shopping date with my “Better Half” since March 2020.

A few months ago – with the easing of lockdown – most markets, malls and shops opened – but – due to COVID Phobia – my wife was reluctant to go shopping till she was convinced that Corona Virus has been contained and the COVID19 Pandemic has subsided.

Now – she may like to wait till we are vaccinated against COVID.

Till then – we will have to sit together with our smartphones and do online shopping.

Meanwhile – let me reminisce fond memories of our shopping dates.

___________

Humor in Marriage

“WISDOM” FROM A “MUCH MARRIED” HUSBAND

HOW TO GO SHOPPING WITH YOUR WIFE by VIKRAM KARVE

__________

Disclaimer:

1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This yarn is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. And yes, this story is for mature broad-minded adults only – so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this post.

2. Please note that this story is set in mid 1982 – almost 39 years ago – when gender equations and social mores were quite different from today’s milieu.

3. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

___________

“SHOPPING” WITH “BETTER HALF”

PROLOGUE

When I got married – I had no prior experience of marriage – since it was my first marriage.

Since I had ZERO girlfriends before my marriage – I was totally innocent about relationships with girls.

Till my marriage – I had no prior experience in how to cohabit with a girl.

In fact – I did not even know how to interact with a girl.

I was a total “novice”.

It was the same with my newly wedded wife too – she was just 21 – and – she had lived a rather purist life.

And suddenly – one day – we – my wife and I – two “inexperienced” souls – we got married.

After our wedding in Pune – we went to live in our tiny one room apartment in the Curzon Road Residential Complex – called “Curzon Road Apartments” – located mid-way between Connaught Place and India Gate on Kasturba Gandhi Marg in New Delhi.

This story happened around 39 years ago – in mid 1982 – in the early inchoate days of our marriage.

___________

“SHOPPING” WITH “BETTER HALF”

STORY By VIKRAM KARVE

__________

PART 1 – NEWLY MARRIED SHOPPING

“I don’t know how to tell you – but I need something urgently…” my newly-wedded wife said to me.

“Sure…” I said, “What do you want to buy so urgently…?”

“Innerwear…” she said.

“Innerwear…?” I asked, “But it’s still summer season…”

“Lingerie…” she said.

“Lingerie…?”

“Underclothes – underwear – I mean – undergarments…”

“Oh – you want to buy “Bras and Panties”…” I said – comprehension dawning on me pretty fast.

“Yes…” she said, “the same thing…”

“Why are you feeling so shy…? For men – what we call “Vest and Underwear” – for women – it’s called “Bras and Panties” – isn’t it…? But – tell me – why do you need “Bras and Panties” so urgently…?

“I seem to have forgotten to bring that packet of the new “Bras and Panties” which I had bought just before our wedding…” she said.

“No Problem…” I said, “I know the best shop for “Bras and Panties”…”

“You know the best shop for “Bras and Panties”…? How do you know all this…?” my wife asked, curious.

“Observation…” I said, “I walk the streets – I drive around a lot – and – I observe…”

Soon – we were outside the “Bras and Panties” shop.

My wife got off the scooter – and she started walking towards the “Bras and Panties” shop.

I parked the scooter – and I followed my wife inside.

“Why have you come in…?” my wife asked me.

“Just to have a look around…” I said.

“I think you should wait outside…” my wife said.

But – a salesgirl interrupted our conversation – and she asked my wife what she wanted.

So – my wife started talking to the salesgirl.

Dear Reader – I have already told you that I like to “observe” – I am “curious” by nature – and – I have a “thirst” for learning new things.

So – I remained in the background – observing the proceedings.

The salesgirl was showing “bras” to my wife.

Soon – there were plenty of “bras” on the glass top of the showcase – and my wife seemed unable to make up her mind on which “bras” to select.

Being a “supportive” husband – I decided to help my wife.

“Why don’t you take a “trial”…?” I said to my wife.

“Trial…?” she said, looking confused.

“You must always “try out” clothes before you buy them…” I said.

“I know my size…” she said.

“More than the size – the “fit” is important – clothes must be comfortable – especially “underclothes” like “Bras and Panties”…” I pontificated.

I saw my wife’s cheeks turn crimson – and she was looking at me angrily.

“Madam…?” the salesgirl said to my wife.

“I will come later…” my wife said to the salesgirl.

Then – my wife said angrily to me:

“Let’s go home…”

The salesgirl seemed perturbed about losing a customer – so she said to my wife:

“Madam – we have a room where you can take a trial. Please come with me…”

“No…” my wife said.

“Please Madam…” the salesgirl pleaded.

The beseeching tone in the salesgirl’s voice seemed to have soothed my wife’s anger – so – she went along with the salesgirl to the “trial room”.

This gave me an opportunity to enhance my knowledge on “Bras and Panties”.

So – I walked around the store – looking at the display windows and showcases.

The staff at the store was most helpful – and the salesgirls were most happy to answer all my “intelligent” doubts arising from my “thirst” for knowledge.

Dear Reader – I will not go into details of the “Question and Answer” sessions I had with the salesgirls – but – it was a most enlightening and educative conversation for me – there was so much to learn about “Bras and Panties” – so many “aspects” – Types, Cup Sizes, Styles, Shapes, Fits – a most fascinating subject – an entire science in itself.

My wife seemed to have taken my advice seriously – and was taking her time in the “trial room”.

The moment my wife came out – I asked her:

“Did you like any Bras…?”

“Yes…” she said.

“And – Panties…?” I asked her.

“Yes – Yes – Yes…” she said angrily.

“Very Good…” I said – happy that the “Bras and Panties” shopping expedition was a success.

But – instead of being grateful and thanking me – the moment we left the shop – my wife said angrily to me:

“I am never going to go shopping with you again…”

But – despite this threat – my darling wife came shopping with me again and again.

____________

PART 2 – “MUCH MARRIED” SHOPPING

My wife tried her best to avoid coming with me for shopping.

But – sometimes – she had no choice – and she had to come with me for shopping.

Firstly – my wife could not drive a scooter.

Later – when we got a car – she could not drive the car too.

She tried a lot – but even today – she can’t drive a scooter or car.

So – she has no choice but to take me along as a “driver” (and “porter”).

Secondly – owing to my keen sense of observation – I knew the best places for shopping for particular items.

Later – after the advent of malls – my wife would tell me to browse books in the bookstore – while she did her shopping in the mall.

Sometime ago – when we visited our favorite mall – we saw that the bookstore had shut down.

So – I tagged along with my wife to the garment store in the mall.

My wife wanted to buy “Kurties”  (Tops) – so – as a devoted and loving husband – I was sincerely trying to help her select “Kurties”.

But my “ungrateful” wife did not seem to appreciate my sincere efforts.

“Please don’t hang around here in the Ladies’ Section…” she said to me, “You go to the Gents’ Section upstairs and browse around there. I will call you when I finish shopping and you can come to the billing counter near the entrance…”

So – I went to the Gents’ Section to have a look at the clothes.

Half an hour later my wife called me on my mobile – so I went down to the billing counter.

My wife looked at the bags in my hand.

She pointed to the bags in my hand and asked me:

“What is all this…?”

“I bought some clothes for myself…” I said, “And what about you..? What did you buy…?”

“I bought nothing…” she said.

“What…? You bought nothing…? I thought you wanted to buy “Kurties”, “Trousers”, Dresses”…!” I said.

“I didn’t like anything…” she said.

My wife watched in amazement as the bill was being made for the items I had bought – Three Trousers, Five Shirts, Two Neckties, One Belt, Handkerchiefs, Socks – and even one Tweed Jacket.

“Are you crazy…? Why have you bought all these things – why so many Trousers, Shirts – and a Jacket…? Do you need so many clothes…?” my wife asked me.

“I liked them – so I bought them…” I said.

She gave me a look of exasperation.

It’s funny – isn’t it…?

My wife wanted to go shopping – and she bought nothing.

I went along as her “consort” – and I bought so many things.

In the Navy – after a Gunnery Shoot – we ascertain the “result of the engagement” – how many “hits” – how many “misses” – etc.

In this shopping episode – the “result of engagement” for my wife was ZERO – and for me – I had “hit” many targets – 3 Trousers, 5 Shirts, 2 Neckties, 1 Jacket, 1 Belt, Handkerchiefs, Socks etc. etc. etc.

This happens every time we go shopping.

My wife is the one who wants to shop.

But – I am the one who ends up “shopping”.

____________

PART 3 – AFTERTHOUGHT

Most husbands don’t like to take their wives for shopping.

I am different.

I love to take my wife out for shopping.

But – my wife doesn’t like to come for shopping with me.

In fact – she dreads going out shopping with me.

I wonder why…?

______________

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my source blog post in my Writing Blog: https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/02/06/shopping-with-wife-guide-for-husbands/

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Share with:


0 0 votes
Article Rating

Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, alumnus IIT Delhi, Lawrence School Lovedale, Vikram Karve is a retired Navy Officer turned full time Writer and Blogger.
2 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Ushasurya
Ushasurya(@ushasurya)
9 months ago

Aw!! I am reading your piece after ages !! You used to write regularly in Sulekha at one time !! I enjoyed reading this !!
I suppose your best half is very fortunate that you don’t enter into any arguments with the sales people !!
I shudder to think of going shopping with my netter half!
In many cases when the sales person is busy with someone else or having a small ( mind you, a very “small” ) chat with the co sales person , invariably a girl, he will lose his cool, demand to see the manager and will thunder stoically that he will take up the matter with the Owner of the shop…”Escalate ” will be the word he uses..for ignoring customers.
Aw!! I’ll proceed to the other end of the shop and pretend to be a new shopper..
and soon join him only when he walks out in a huff out of the shop, pretending I have no connections whatsoever with the angry man at the counter!! Ha ha ha !!
But I must tell you that a bypass surgery has changed him completely and he has become so CALM now ! In fact, I asked the Cardiac Surgeon whether he did a bypass or performed a “heart transplant” substituting his heart with a yogi’s!! ( ha ha ha !! I know, a yogi can never get five blocks in his arteries!!! )

Recent Comments

Random Posts

Placeholder Image 90

Thewriterfriends.com is an experiment to bring the creative people together on one platform. It is a free platform for creativity. While there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of platforms that provide space for expression around the world, the feeling of being a part of fraternity is often lacking. If you have a creative urge, then this is the right place for you. You are welcome here to be one of us.

Random Posts

The Tale of the Unextinguished Moon

By Charumati Ramdas | September 20, 2020 | 6 Comments

A.Charumati Ramdas   In May 1926, journal Novyi Mir published the ‘Tale of the Unextinguished Moon’, written by Boris Pilnyak. Publication of the ‘Tale’ resulted in the confiscation of that particular number of the journal and ultimately the author had to admit that it was a great mistake on his part to write this work.   In…

Share with:


Read More

Games We Played- Part 2

By Navneet Bakshi | September 24, 2020 | 3 Comments

Card Games But on some days, like the rainy days which were a plenty in Shimla, we had no choice, but to play at home. Surprisingly, we were even allowed to play with the playing cards and gamble too. The very first game of cards that we played was called Note Bhunan (To break a…

Share with:


Read More

Ancient Origins … Interesting Revelations

By Suresh Rao | October 14, 2020 | 2 Comments

Read about interesting facts recently brought out on ancient origins at link posted. https://www.ancient-origins.net/?fbclid=IwAR2PK4-2r0uOwPpsss-_s5fWjDbL8jqbE4bDUlcNl-JHCBDF-pthO-f0Xfs   Share with: 5 1 vote Article Rating

Share with:


Read More

A Black Dog

By Navneet Bakshi | August 10, 2021 | 1 Comment

A Black Dog, Mummy, Dinoo ko kale kutte ne kaat liya ‘Mummy, the black dog has bitten Dinoo’, I said. She drew me close and putting her hand on my head and showing great interest in the news that I delivered said, “Be careful of the dogs in these dog days.” What are dog days?…

Share with:


Read More

A view of Ram Mandir to be built in Ayodhya

By Suresh Rao | August 6, 2020 | 9 Comments

(pic) Artist’s view of Ram Mandir to be built in Ayodhya (UP State)  in 3 years time. Foundation laying ceremony (Shilanyas) for the new Ram Mandir to be built in Ayodhya, the birthplace of Ram-lala, was broadcast live on Door Darshan (DD) TV on August-5 2020.  It was a grand celebration. With this ceremonial beginning…

Share with:


Read More

2020 in review

By Prasad Ganti | January 2, 2021 | 4 Comments

Wish you all a happy and a prosperous new year 2021. I want to review the events of the past year 2020. I jot the events down as the year is progressing. I might have missed some events and consider some events more important than others. Most would say that 2020 was the most forgettable…

Share with:


Read More

वड़वानल – 62

By Charumati Ramdas | August 31, 2020 | 0 Comments

लेखक: राजगुरू द. आगरकर अनुवाद: आ. चारुमति रामदास   जहाज़ों पर गहमागहमी बढ़ गई थी। सभी जहाज़ किसी भी क्षण बाहर निकलने की और तोपें दागने की तैयारी कर रहे थे। बॉयलर फ्लैशअप किए जा रहे थे, चिमनियाँ काला धुआँ फेंक रही थीं। फॉक्सल और क्वार्टर डेक की ऑनिंग निकाली जा रही थी,  तोपों से…

Share with:


Read More

Never Go To A Foreign Dentist

By Rcay | July 6, 2020 | 1 Comment

Never Go To A Foreign Dentist Rcay / 14 yrs ago /     Never go to a Foreign Dentist   Please never go to a foreign dentist. I will fight tooth and nail to open my mouth to a foreign dentist again! I was posted as a diplomat in on of those paradises when suddenly I started…

Share with:


Read More

HAVE RELIGIOUS WARS REALLY CAUSED MAXIMUM DEATHS IN HUMAN HISTORY?

By VS Gopalakrishnan | September 1, 2020 | 0 Comments

HAVE RELIGIOUS WARS REALLY CAUSED MAXIMUM DEATHS IN HUMAN HISTORY? V.S.Gopalakrishnan Ph.D., IAS Retd. 1 Sep 2020   Many people are often found to blithely declare that religious wars have been the cause of maximum deaths in human history. Such people condemn the need for and existence of religions and mostly consist of atheists, agnostics,…

Share with:


Read More

रक्षाबंधन

By Alka Kansra | August 16, 2020 | 4 Comments

रक्षाबंधन बाल्कनी से देख रही थी बारिश की बूँदों की झड़ी बसंत गया, गर्मी गई और सावन भी आ गया संक्रमण से बेख़ौफ़ मौसम बदलते जा रहे त्योहार निकलते जा रहे होली गई , बैसाखी गई और आ गया रक्षाबंधन भीगे से मौसम में भीगी सी पलकों में तैर गई रेशम की डोरी कहाँ गया…

Share with:


Read More
2
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x